REPOST: My Last Birthday

In honor of my son's milestone birthday, in which he enters the double-digits, I'm reposting this piece I wrote for another now-deleted blog.  This was written about 10 months before we were able to pick him up.  I was right that it was my "last birthday" but I didn't know how much we'd have to go through to actually meet him.  As he turns 10 in a couple days, I'm reminded of this concept that came to me 7 years ago.  His Birthday has been going on for about a month already, and mine will be lucky to last part of the day it falls on...

....and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

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Today is my last birthday and it’s bittersweet.

Except, perhaps, when I was very young, I’ve never been super excited about birthdays anyway, but today I’d rather not have one at all.

As anyone who has a birthday around the 25^th of December will attest, there is a rule about sharing of holidays.  Essentially, each holiday is equally diminished or one gets swallowed up by the other.  Christmas will overpower a birthday.  A birthday will overpower Thanksgiving.  Valentines’ Day will supersede a husband’s birthday, but not a wife’s.  

That’s just the way of it.  

…And a child’s birthday will blot out that of a parent.  Next year I won’t have a birthday.  Barring any horrible circumstance, we’ll go get our son in the next few months.  The adoption process is nearing a close, we’ll be in India soon meeting Enoch, son of Jared and Candice.  His birthday is two days after mine therefore this will be my last birthday.  Next year we’ll have a third birthday party for Enoch.  Next year, we’ll have some toddlers and parents over to play with bright colored toys and make messes on the carpet.  Next year we’ll have noise makers and cartoons marking this time.  A third birthday for a child is infinitely more important than a 36^th birthday for a father; adding one to both sides of that equation doesn’t make it any more equal.  

So this is my last birthday before mine is a blip on the radar as we approach my son’s special day.  I’ll be ok with that, as I said, I don’t get too excited about birthdays.  Part of me thinks I should treasure this one, though, because it’s my last one.  I should take some time alone to read or sip coffee.  I should spend quiet quality time with my wife.  I should suggest a walk with my family while we can still monitor our one child somewhat adequately.  I should enjoy being the parent of one child before the chaos of two children is a reality.  

But as I said, it’s bittersweet.  It’s hard to treasure my last birthday when I so desperately long to not have a birthday at all.  I want Enoch Shant Arunav Begg’s birthdays to be what we celebrate.  I don’t want to answer the question, “what do you want for your birthday?”  I’m ready for my parents to forget it’s mine because they’re wrapped up in their grandson.  I’m ready for no one to notice that I’ve turned 50 because they’re so happy that my son turned 17.  

And I’m sad that the reality is not present yet.  

I’m sad that my 35^th is not shared with his 2^nd.

I hope his birthday at least fills the orphanage with joy, that it supersedes the normalcy of the day.

I hope that it’s not a lonely day for him.

I long to process the sadness with him when we discuss it for years to come.  

I pray that news of a loving family preparing to travel is a gift that we both can receive on this bittersweet day. 

And I wish that, even in India, he could know how much I want to give up my birthday for him. 

 

I wonder...

What would I be like if I had done the thing I was afraid of for the past decade?

and, furthermore,

what if I started now?

Repost: Asking Questions

Roughly every other week this blog will feature a reposted work. I had been a contributor on two different sites that have since closed or no longer include blogs. I will be reposting pieces that had originally been featured on one of these two sites.  

This was originally posted October 17, 2011

Many little wisps of ideas have passed through my mind since I posted my last blog but none have settled.  I tend to notice things and make connections and then write as I reflect on that.  Frankly, I’ve been bewildered lately.  There are so many “things” to notice.

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Promoting a Book, While Reflecting on Promoting a Book.

I contributed to a book again.

The last one was devotions for Advent, reflective readings for the Christmas season to refocus the reader to remember that Christ came to earth as a human baby.

The first book was uplifting in theme and overtly worshipful.

This second book is a little different than that.

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Looking for ISAIAH in the Bible

My son is always very excited to get his hands on my Bible.

It’s not that we’ve instilled in him a thirst for the word of God. He’s not seeking truth or relationship with God. We haven’t yet explained to him that the ESV is THE hippest Bible to read. He’s not looking at the colorful maps in the back or the red letters in the gospels or my notes and scribbles throughout. 

He’s looking for page 683, where it says, in big letters “ISAIAH”.

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Repost: The Dragon We Got

Every other week my blog will feature a reposted work. I had been a contributor on two different sites that have since closed or no longer include blogs. I will be reposting pieces that had originally been featured on one of these two sites.  

This was originally posted October 06, 2011

About a year ago I wrote a reflection about trusting God in the process of adopting our son, Isaiah, from India.  I borrowed Donald Miller’s comparison of a father to a Dragon which he made in his book To Own a Dragon and applied it to a son.  For me a son seemed just as unattainable as a father was to Miller, as unattainable as a dragon.  I borrowed from Ursula Le Guin’s mythology of dragons found in her Earthsea Cycle to illustrate how special and magnificent my son was.  I concluded by affirming the faithfulness of God in keeping his promise to deliver Isaiah to my wife and me.  I referred to God as The Giver of Dragons.

Soon after that writing administrative pieces fell into place and we flew to India to meet our Dragon. 

A little under a year ago we brought home the dragon we got.

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Reminders of Relationship

We named our second son, Enoch Shant Arunav Begg.

Enoch was taken from Genesis 5:24

"Enoch walked with God, and he was not, for God took him."

We want our son to walk with God. It also states that Jared was the father of Enoch, so that’s a nice bonus.

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