Bearing the Lonely

On Sunday morning at 4:22am, my wife and sons left for a month vacation. I’ll join her after three weeks and take a week of my vacation, but for three weeks, I’m alone.

After she left, my Sunday looked like this:

Watched YouTube and Netflix and Facebook.

Slept a little

Went to church

Moved some bricks (patio work).

Watched YouTube

Facebook

Played Hearthstone

Ate lunch [Pizza, followed by rum & coke]

Slept

Organized our storage room

Read some articles online

Cleaned up around the house

Worked in the patio

Played Hearthstone

Ate dinner

Watched Netflix

Facebook...

Watched Hulu

More Facebook

Went to bed

Sometime, late in the night, I realized that all my actions of the day (including going to church) were motivated by a desire to distract myself from loneliness and I thought, “Maybe it’s time to write that blog.”

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Losing the Kingdom

My son loves cities.

He loves the tall buildings around the car as we drive down narrow, congested streets. He loves seeing people and cars and stores.

I’m not sure from where this obsession originates.  He did enjoy the city reveal and exploration scene in the Curious George movie. George gets off the boat and wide sweeping aerial views of the skyscrapers are shown as he embarks on a new adventure.

Isaiah also likes books that show the city, especially if a train is venturing through or in front of the city.  

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Secrets, Identities, and Power

One Halloween, when I was in middle school, I was trick-or-treating with my brothers and some other kids stole our candy.

My brothers and I were about five blocks from our house, walking up a street between neighborhoods, away from any houses. A car pulled up next to us, older kids jumped out, there was a scuffle, and they took our bags of candy. My brother had been picked on at school; it may have been those kids and their older friends and brothers. It may have just been a random act of meanness. 

We walked and ran the five blocks home.

I was scared. I was frustrated. And I was angry.

I was scared.

I open with this story because I want you to know that I have very vivid memories of being scared walking home at night.

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Knowing Louie

It’s no secret that Louis CK often speaks insightful truth, albeit sometimes in the midst of off-color comedy. His comments on the influence of technology on the human condition have gone viral on two separate occasions. He’s outspoken about racism and white privilege. He’s honest, though perhaps exaggerating for comedic effect, about his flaws and foibles.

A few lines in particular of his stand-up have stuck with me for a few years. I have reproduced them below.

I just want to ask you, have you ever done something or lived a moment that you afterwards said,

“yeah, I don’t think I’m going to tell anyone about that. Yeah that’s going to my grave with me, that one is.”

Either because it’s stupid, embarrassing, or horrible you just think…

“yeah that’s staying with me. I’m not telling any people about that.”

I would say that probably 40% of my life is made up of moments like that.

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Repost: The Dark Bus Ride of the Soul

Every other week my blog will feature a reposted work. I had been a contributor on two different sites that have since closed or no longer include blogs. I will be reposting pieces that had originally been featured on one of these two sites.  

This was originally posted May 17, 2011

Today was the second day that our son rode the bus to school.  He walked Candice and me outside to wait really early.  He yelled and laughed at a squirrel in a tree.  He pointed happily to where the bus would be arriving.  Then he screamed in terror when it was time to get on and leave.  Mama and Papa discussed whether or not he’s ready for this as we walked back in the apartment. 

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Repost: The Face of Terror

Every other week my blog will feature a reposted work. I had been a contributor on two different sites that have since closed or changed to no longer include blogs. I will be reposting pieces that had originally been featured on one of these two sites.  

This was originally posted April 19, 2011

Last night I saw something that I hope to never see again.  Part of me wants to cling to the memory for prayerful contemplation, but part of me doesn’t want to bring the picture up to consciousness because of the emotions associated with it.  Last night I saw a look of terror on my son’s face. 

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What Does the Fox Soothe?

Enoch

Recently I put up a Facebook status about my youngest son’s coping mechanism for when he misses his mama. When my wife leaves to run an errand or exercise, or just have some quiet time, our son can’t handle it. He loves his Papa, but he needs his Mama. The wailing and the waterworks start as soon as he realizes she’s about to leave. Then it’s nonstop until he tires himself out and settles for whimpering and whining until he falls asleep or she returns. However, I’ve figured out one thing that will help him to deal with his sense of loss.

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